TOYOTA LANDCRUISER ARABIAN NIGHTMARE EDITION

They say money can’t buy good taste, but this Toyota Landcruiser is the embodiment of bad taste. I agree that people want to be unique, to express their own personality through the objects that they own but the lenght some people go to make their cars unique, to know that there isn’t any car like their’s on the road is sometimes pretty scary. This car, which seems to be licensed to one of the United Arab Emirates, can easily be mistaken for an alien vehicle or one from the future, a future i won’t like to live in though.

SOMETHING TO MAKE US SMILE: Part II

Remember our Part 1? Here's another part.

PAK PANDIR BELI HANDPHONE

Pada suatu hari,ada seorang yang kaya raya tapi buta teknologi namanya Pak Pandir, datang ke Kuala Lumpur. Ia berasal dari sebuah daerah yang sangat terpencil jauh di dalam hutan. Ia datang ke sebuah kedai handphone.

"Saya mahu beli handphone yang paling baru, mahal dan canggih", katanya dengan nada sombong.
"Ini encik, handphone yang encik inginkan...tapi wang encik cukup ke?", tanya pemilik kedai tidak yakin.
"Ini duit tiga ribu", jawab Pak Pandir.
"Tapi handphonenya tak boleh hidup pun?" marah Pak Pandir.
"Oh, encik perlu beli sim card ... baru boleh guna".
"Saya beli sim cardnya" jawab Pak Pandir. Tak lama kemudian, urusan mereka pun selesai dan Pak Pandir kembali ke kampungnya.

Sesampai di kampung, handphonenya tak boleh digunakan, Pak Pandir rasa marah dan segera pergi ke Kuala Lumpur semula.

"Awak tipu saya ya!!!..Handphone saya tak boleh buat panggilan!!!!!!!!!!" marah Pak Pandir.
"Oooooo......mungkin kat sana tak ada signal encik".
"Saya beli signalnya sekali..Macamana la awak jual handphone boleh lupa jual signal??"

CIKGU DGN MAN

Waktu sekolah telah tamat.sebelum kel uar kelas, Che'gu Berahim telah bertanya kpd murid²nya.

Ch e'gu : Siapa nak pergi syurga?
Semua murid mengangkat tangan kecuali Man Dol lalu Che'gu Berahim pun bertanya,
Che'gu : Man, kenapa awak tak nak pergi syurga?
Man : Mak saya kata lepas habis sekolah, terus balik rumah.. jangan pergi mana-mana.


PART II

Che'gu Berahim sedang mengajar Bahasa Melayu dalam kelas 1 Mawar...

Che' gu : Man, boleh kamu buat ayat dengan menggunakan perkataan tepong?
Man : Itu senang saja cikgu.. ayatnya ialah.... emak sedang membuat kek di dapur.
Che'gu : Mana tepungnya??
Man : Tepong kan ke dalam kek tu....

MAKAN MALAM

Suatu pagi ketika seorang suami hendak berangkat ke tempat kerjanya..

Suami : "Ema.. abang pergi dulu ya"
Isteri : "Abang tak sarapan dulu?"
Suami : "Tidak.. abang nak cepat nie!"
Lalu sisuami mencium bibir isterinya dengan mesra dan berkata "inilah sarapan pagi abang"

Tengaharinya. . si suami pulang kerumah..

Isteri : " Ada apa abang balik kerumah tengahari ni?"
Suami : " Ada sesuatu yang tertinggal"
Isteri : Marilah makan tengahari dulu"
Suami : "Tak pe lah.. abang nak cepat nie"
Lalu dengan mesranya sisuami menghampiri isterinya dan mencium "dadanya" sambil berkata "inilah makan tengahari abang!"

Petangnya.. ketika si suami pulang dari kerja dia terkejut melihat sikap
isterinya yang duduk tanpa pakaian diatas periuk nasi yang panas membara..
lalu betanya..

Suami : "Awak sedang buat apa tu?"
Isteri : "Panaskan makan malam bang!"

kwang...kwang...kwangg


MALAM JUMAAT

Malam itu malam Jumaat. Kassim ingin beristirahat awal bersama isterinya, dia fikir dia akan dapat banyak ganjaran jika berbuat begini. Ganjaran paling nyata ialah hakikat dia kini sudah mempunyai lapan orang anak: empat daripada mereka masih kecil lagi. Yang bongsu masih lagi menyusu.

"Malam ini kita tidur awal. Malam jumaat" kata Kasim pada Ani, isterinnya yang sedang menyusu anak bongsu mereka. " Tak boleh bang. Sebab anak anak kita masih belum tidur, nanti saya tidur kan mereka dulu". " Baiklah awak uruskan mereka. Abang akan ke bilik sebelah membaca Al-quran" balas Kassim, sambil ke bilik air mengambil wudhuk, setelah mendapatkan songkok, Kitab al-quran dan meminum seteguk air sejuk Kassim bersedia untuk memulakan kerja ibadahnya.

"BISMILLAHHIRROHMANNIRROHIM"

" Bang!! Anak dah tidur" Terkejut Kassim mendengar suara Ani yang membawa khabar baik kepadannya dalam jangkamasa yang begitu singkat.

" SODAQALLAHULAZEEM "

Tu lah dahsyat nya malam Jumaat......

Backseat lovers survive plunge

Two lovers ended up in hospital - and one could be heading for divorce - after their car plunged 46m down a cliff as they had sex in the back seat.

Police said Lin Gu, 25, and lover Lee Shin, 29, suffered broken bones when their car tipped over the edge of the hill in XinDian, Taiwan. “They had parked up close to the edge of the mountain and had left the handbrake off,” a spokesman said . “When they started having sex the rocking motion started the car moving and it rolled off the hill. They were lucky they were not more seriously hurt.” Despite their injuries - and being covered with mud and grass - the couple managed to clamber back up to the road.

The woman headed to Chen Chenggang’s nearby house for help, begging him not to reveal how the accident happened as her husband “would definitely sue for divorce”.

He pays for sex with $100 fuel card

Talking about taking fuel saving practices to the extreme.This one taken from nydailynews.com.

It's the newest way to pay for the oldest profession. A man has admitted exchanging a $100 fuel card for sex with a hooker.
Court records uncovered by The Smoking Gun Web site show Kenneth Nowak was busted after an undercover cop caught him having sex with the call girl last Friday at a Days Inn in Fort Wright, Ky.
The 50-year-old Indiana man told cops he paid for the action with a card good for fuel at Speedway gas stations, along with other unspecified "gifts."
"A local prosecutor noted that it was sad to see someone selling their body for fuel," the Web site reported.
Angela Eversole, 34, who sold her body for just 25 gallons of juice, was hit with a prostitution rap and also charged with doing business without an occupational license. Nowak was charged with promoting prostitution.

Somethin' to make us smile

TIRU

Suatu hari ayah Naim dipanggil guru besar sekolah kerana Naim didapati selalu meniru di dalam ujian. setiap kali ujian, Naim didakwa selalu duduk disebelah Azim.

ayah: saya tak percaya anak saya meniru setiap kali ujian!

cikgu: betul encik. kami bukan tuduh begitu sahaja.

ayah: ape buktinya?

cikgu: nah, ini buktinya kalo encik tak percaya tengoklah sendiri.

ayah Naim melihat kertas jawapan Naim dan Azim. soalan pertama: siapakah bapa kemerdekaan Malaysia? Naim dan Azim memberikan jawapan yang sama iaitu Tunku Abdul Rahman Putra.

ayah: memanglah jawapan mereka sama. macam mana cikgu kata anak saya meniru?

cikgu: sabar encik. cuba encik lihat soalan kedua.

ayah Naim melihat soalan kedua. pada tahun berapakah negara kita mencapai kemerdekaan? sekali lagi Naim dan Azim memberikan jawapan yang sama: 31 ogos 1957. Ayah Naim sekali lagi marah, tetapi ditenteramkan untuk membaca soalan ketiga: siapakah yang duduk disebelah Tunku Abdul Rahman di stadium merdeka?

Azim menulis: maaf, saya tak tahu

Naim menulis:kalu kau tak tahu aku lagi tak tahu!!

CHIMPENG
I was looking for an empty space to park my car in Bangsar when suddenly there's a knock on the glass.

"Encik ah..tanya sikit ah..itu Chimpeng mana ah..?"

"Apa?"

"Chimpeng, Chimpeng...saya sudah tanya itu guard ah.. dia ckaap sini ada satu Chimpeng...."

"Sorrylah Apek. Saya tak tau woh...Apa tempat itu Chimpeng?"

"Aiyah...itu Chimpeng balu punya..Saya mau pigi angkat wang la..."

"Tarak tau la boss. Itu kedai ka apa?Along ka?"

"Chimpeng bukan kedai ma..lu itu pun tak tau ah..? itu Chimpeng macam itu Maypeng, Public Peng, RHetB Peng...itu balu punya Peng.."

Adoi...apek..buat aku pening je..dia cari CIMB Bank ..

MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER

Interviewer : What is your birth date?

Muthu : 13th October Interviewer : Which year?

Muthu : ... EVERY YEAR

MUTHU & HIS MANAGER

Manager asked Muthu at an interview... . Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?

Muthu replied: P-O-S-T-B-O- X

MUTHU & LONDON TRIP

After returning back from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner? Wife : No! Why?

Muthu : In London , a lady asked me, "Are you a foreigner?". . that's why ...

MUTHU & TOURIST

One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Muthu whether any great man or leader was born in his village or not .. and Muthu said .. "No sir, only babies were born here .. "

MUTHU & DRIVER

When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, the driver adjusted mirror. Muthu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife ? Sit back. I will drive.

MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL

Muthu went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Muthu pointed towards the board " WASH BASIN "

MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART

Interviewer : Just imagine you're in 20th floor in a building, it caught fire and how will you escape ?

Muthu : It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination ..

Oh .. i forgot . the funniest part .. On a political rally Muthu was arrested. Why ???????????? Because, a woman journalist walking with a badge wrote "PRESS" on her right chest ... and he did it !

Order
Suatu hari seorang orang kampung ingin makan di Mc'Donalds. Bila dia sampai dia tak tahu nak order aper…maklumlah orang kampung..sedang dia berfikir datang seorang lelaki lingkungan 30an ditepinya…Ahmad namanya…orang kampung itu pun merancang untuk meminta seperti apa yang Ahmad minta..
Ahmad :Bagi Big Mac satu..
Orang kampung: bagi Big Mac satu…
Ahmad: Air…Bagi air coke yer…
Orang kampung: Air…Bagi air coke yer…
Ahmad pon menjeling pada orang kampung tersebut..namun orang kampung tersebut buat tak tahu ajer…
Ahmad: ooo yer cik..bagi ash-tray satu yer…( masa tu Mc donalds buleh merokok lagi)
Orang kampung : ooo yer cik…bagi ash-tray satu yer…
Ahmad mula meradang lalu memarahi orang kampung tersebut…
Ahmad : hoi…yang kau pesan sama macam aku tu kenapa hah…takder otak ker?
Orang kampung: aper…ingat kau sorang jer ker makan ash-tray?

-Sources courtesy from my CCM mates at citraclub.com